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You're excited: the man, who you've been connecting with online and anxious to meet, finally agreed to set something up with you. Suddenly you don't feel like a grown woman anymore, but more like an insecure schoolgirl. You canít believe that you have all the same jitters and insecurities you felt decades ago when you first started dating. For a woman of a certain age, thereís nothing more disconcerting than feeling like a teenage girl, with poor self-esteem, has hijacked her hormones.
OK, so maybe you're recently divorced or re-entering the dating world after a long hiatus, or perhaps, you've been doing the dating-thing way longer than youíd care to admit, but no matter what the reason or reasons may be for all the angst that youíre feeling, take comfort in knowing that first dates are nerve-wracking for everyone, men included.
Perhaps you just need to learn a few simple tricks to make the whole-dreaded-first-date thing seem a little less daunting. With any luck at all, adhering to the following 7 pointers will have you and your date hitting it off from the get-go. The key to a great first date is really quite simple -- stay positive, keep the faith, and have fun. Just imagine, with any luck at all, this could be your last first date and the beginning of a lasting relationship. How great would that be?
1. Be Kind
Most men are just as uptight and unglued about first dates as women are; so don't just think about yourself. Think about him and how nervous he might be and do your best to make him feel at ease. Leave your judgments at home and compliment him about his attire, his car, his whatever. Find something nice to say. If you really know that you never want to see him again, this doesn't give you a license to be mean. Kindness matters and getting into a habit of being mean on dates will only backfire on you in the long run. Smile and laugh a lot. Bring your sense of humor and roll with the punches. Try not to look at every date as an execution, as if your very life depended on the outcome being good. Tell yourself that your dating experiences are an adventure, learn from them, and enjoy the ride.
2. Don't Bellyache, Whine, or Complain
Being negative is a real turn-off to men. Show him that you're a good sport and if something does go wrong, see the humor in the situation and make light of it. Go with the flow and let him know that you enjoy his company. If you had a bad day at work, let it go. He doesn't need to know everything thatís going wrong in your life. Remember, you're a grown woman, not a spoiled brat, so act like one.
3. Don't Talk about Your Ex
Everyone's been hurt, but bad mouthing your ex on the first date can make a man run for the hills; and quite frankly, this kind of behavior is totally inappropriate and uncalled for, and clearly shows that you donít respect healthy boundaries and that you have issues. Remember: On a first date, you should be traveling light. Leave the heavy baggage behind for now. If you're going to have a long-term relationship with this person, then, of course, in the future, youíll need to talk about your past, but try to keep the first date all about the present moment, just living in the now, and enjoying each other's company. Be warned: If you bash your ex on your first date, you're pretty much killing your chances for a second one with this man.
4. Get Over Yourself
Avoid the me, me, me conversations, or youíll bore him to death, and surely be guilty of divulging way too much information too soon. Allow him to talk. Ask him questions about himself, but don't make it sound like an interrogation. Men love it when you seem genuinely interested in them. Do not grill him about how much money he makes, or sound like you're interviewing him to see if heís a potential candidate for the job of loving you. Let the answers to the million dollar questions emerge naturally over the course of time.
5. Take Some Time to Look Your Best Before You Leave the House, and Then Forget About It
I grew up with three older brothers, and although men appreciate the efforts you make to look your best for them, high maintenance women can be a real buzzkill, so no running to the Ladies Room all night to fix yourself. Dress appropriately for the date by asking him in advance where the two of you will be going. You don't want to be wearing 6 inch heels, if he plans on giving you a walking tour of the city.
6. Don't Be Attached to Your Cell Phone
If you need to check it or answer it because of a business or a family situation, do so, but keep it brief. No texting your friends and checking your emails all night long. Men love when women give them their undivided attention. No tweeting or posting on Facebook, unless of course, you're having such a great time that you both agree to post a picture of the two of you together for everyone to see.
7. Thank Him for Taking You Out and Offer to Treat Him the Next time
If he took you to dinner, then tell him that you'd love to take him to your favorite restaurant or make him dinner. Let him know that youíre a giver, not a taker. True Soul Mate couples are equals and treat each other as such. By offering to reciprocate his generosity, youíre letting him know that youíre a team player.
Being positive and putting your best foot forward on your first date can ensure that this date will lead to many, many more in the future. Remember, the secret to a successful first date is to relax, live in the moment, and let the good times roll.
Cindi Sansone-Braff, "The Romance Whisperer," talks to the dead to show you how to live well and love better. She is the author of "Grant Me a Hig...Read More
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