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Older daters can have it even better the second time around. Baggage from a past relationship does not have to weigh you down. Think of yourself as a fine aged wine going on the market. You know yourself better. You know what you are looking for.
You have a full life - with kids and jobs and interests - so you are indeed more interesting. Unlike when you were younger and might have needed a partner or spouse to fill you up emotionally. You are busy and busy is attractive.
Granted some older daters carry mental baggage with them, thinking it hasn't worked before so why will it work again. They worry that there are no good men or women left.
One of the things I try to do in my coaching practice is to help clients with their attitude. No matter how attractive or how much of a catch you are, you aren't going to do well in the competitive dating arena if you have a bad attitude.
Focusing on the positive is important. One way to do that is with a gratitude list, being grateful for what you have. Being grateful makes you happier and a happier positive person attracts more and better people.
Tell yourself there are lots of good men/women over 40 out there, and focus on them in real life. Look for the good in people everywhere. Go online, where you will see a large pool of older daters looking for love. Just seeing the plethora of people in the same boat as you will make you feel less alone and more at ease about your situation.
Another way to be more positive is to basically use the technique of faking it until you make it.
Act as if you have the amazing relationship already. This does wonders for your confidence and a confident dater is a more appealing dater.
Studies have shown that by acting as if you have something - or are that thing - you are more likely to achieve that very thing you want. If you act as if you are already happy or already have the relationship, your self-confidence will soar.
For example, I had my client Mae use this technique of faking it until she made it. She had just been through a long and brutal divorce with her high school sweetheart. She didn't want to go out on dates. She wanted to stay home and cry in her pyjamas all day. A small part of her knew, however, that she had to move on and could have a better life if she just forced herself to get out and start dating again. It was excruciating, but she made herself go out and mingle. At first it was a lot of acting - acting happy and nice on the dates when all she wanted to do was cry and unload her sob story on the men she was dating. Her hard work eventually paid off. She met a great guy who she has been dating for the last six months.
She is so glad she forced herself to get out and date, even when it was the last thing she wanted to do!
So remember, attitude is important. Seeing the positive in people and being grateful is very important. But if you aren't there yet, ACT AS IF you are, and reality should soon follow.
I am your personal trainer for dating. I want you to find love. I have been a certified dating coach helping daters throughout the world for more t...Read More
Karenna Alexander's Articles
Why Dating Over 40 Can Be Better Than Ever